As this amazing #25thAnniversary vacation comes to a close, I leave this blog with a few extra pictures and my musings and thoughts on 25 years of marriage to Mark. Thank you for allowing us the opportunity to share our fun and adventures with you via this blog.
We rented a golf cart one day.
We never saw any, but apparently it does really happen.
Lobster became my new favorite seafood, even in grilled cheese form!
You can see iguana and lizards everywhere!
We had a few visitors in our shower! This one was pretty cute. It was the cockroaches that I found a little creepy in my shower.
Finally for those friends that requested a little gift, I think we might have you covered.
What I Learned After 25 Years of Marriage
* All my thoughts are based on a basically healthy relationship I have with Mark. I don't profess to know anything in particular or even everything. These are just me thoughts and feelings of what I have learned. I also do not believe any of these thoughts hold true in an unhealthy abusive type relationship.
Marriage is more than two people ~
Most people think and believe a marriage is two people coming together to share their lives together and to become one. I don't believe that is true. I believe it IS two people coming together, but those people are individuals and still have to survive as an individual or else you lose yourself and then things will start to break down in the marriage. I believe the marriage itself is a "third" person. It has a personality all its own that you create with your partner. If your relationship is only the two of you then the marriage is "three". However, if you have a family the marriage becomes more. Lots of people think the family is separate. I don't think so. Everything about my marriage includes the kids. Every decision I make regarding my marriage to Mark includes Kaleb, Chelsea and Ksenia and their wellbeing. I stay a strong individual person for my husband and for my kids. For the kids, they need to see how to take care of themselves within a relationship. They need to see how Mark and I work together as a couple and work within the marriage individually. How else are they going to learn. They see the mistakes and they see the joys.
Love waxes and wanes ~
After 25 years of being married to Mark, I believe love waxes and wanes. I also believe love and commitment go hand in hand. I believe you can fall out of love and you can fall back in love. I believe that can happen periodically throughout the marriage. However that idea won't work unless you also believe in the commitment and stay with each other when the love is waning. I believe you can't allow hate into the relationship but you can allow those moments of not necessarily being in love but being content and of course committed.
When I say I Love You~
Love and like are different. Feelings are unpredictable and sometimes, most of the time don't make sense. Marriage is two imperfect people coming together, each bringing baggage you may not want but between the two of you, you choose to make it work. When people say they love each other, sometimes it is beautiful and heartfelt and ooey gooey sweet. Sometimes it is fake and forced and unnatural sounding. I believe sometimes people say "I Love You" for themselves and not for their partner, and that is why it sometimes sounds fake. Sometimes when the love might be waning or the unpredictable, nonsensical feelings surface, I tell Mark I love him as a reminder to me, not to him, that I love him, I am committed to him, and I will not leave this relationship just because his or my feelings don't make sense or just because I don't feel "in love" at the moment. I have, over the years, even told my children that I really don't "like" them at that moment, but I love them and nothing will change that commitment I have for them.
Communication is Everything ~
I honestly believe communication is a big key to a successful marriage. However people often think not talking is a lack of communication when really it is a form of communication that can be used incorrectly. Not talking may be necessary in order to actually listen to the person, or maybe even to help calm and not escalate the situation. However not talking should never be the case to avoid sharing your own feelings along with the daily ins and outs of living. Mark and I have high stressed jobs September through June and it calms for a couple months when we don't have direct contact with students. During the school year, there are times when our communication is strained due to availability and busyness. We have after school activities and evening events, often times coinciding with each other and trying to find the time to connect and communicate can be difficult and those are the times I feel our relationship is at risk for anger and arguments. Thanks to Mark and his obsession for new technologies and toys, I found one thing that helps with communication in our house is sharing calendars. That wasn't so easy in the past before smart phones, but now all our calendars are shared, Mark's, mine, and all the kids. Another thing I find helpful is to touch base with Mark throughout our day via an email, text or phone call. Sometimes it gets a little frustrating because he doesn't always respond, but again thanks to Mark and his love for new technologies we both have fancy watches that alert us of incoming texts and emails. I believe no matter how hard it is, you have to talk about everything that goes on in your life with your partner. It is uncomfortable at times. It is scary at times, but it is what makes the relationship work in the end.
So once again these are just my own thoughts and ideas based on my basically normal (whatever normal is) healthy relationship with my husband of 25 years. We have normal arguments and disagreements, we have a normal "married" life and we have successfully raised three amazing kids.
Love you all! Until our next adventure . . .
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